Authentic Admiration vs False Admiration


Admiration
is what I like to think of as the glue that causes other people to want to stay bonded with you over time. In other words, it is the primary force that maintains the enduring bond.

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But another person’s admiration for you is only authentic and enduring as long as you are committed to your own growth. Likewise, mutual admiration forms an enduring pair bond when both individuals are committed to their own personal growth, and thus admire each other while evolving.

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I define commitment to growth as your personal commitment to your own evolution. Others call it  ‘living your life honestly’  or  ‘following your path’. The meaning is a little different for everyone — but it’s generally guided by the overarching concept of freewill. Of being committed to your destiny, so to say.

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As vague as this sounds,  it’s not hard to recognize those who live out this concept.

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These are just a few of the traits that the evolving person displays— the person committed to growth. That person is generally:

Undefined
Asks questions
Creative
Experiences awe
Motivated by passion
A ‘gut feel’ person
Open to possibilities
Interested (not afraid) of the unknown
etc.

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Notice that these are all INTERNAL features. They deal with ATTITUDE, and POINT-OF-VIEW Both manifestations of an individual’s personal choice. They are fluid, uncertain, and evolving. They embody growth. 

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Did you notice what’s not included on this list?

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Having a great body
Making a lot of money
Driving an expensive car
Being the ‘perfect mom’
Becoming a professional athlete
Having a large circle of friends
Etc.

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Notice that these are all EXTERNAL features? And that’s where the problem lies— you’ll never gain authentic admiration through that which you have obtained or accomplished. It would be impossible to do so, seeing that external things are inherently defined, solidified, rigid, and certain. They don’t embody growth.

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And there lies the error that we are all unconsciously committing. By working to attain someone else’s concept of success, or by committing ourselves to socially defined identity roles, we fail to gain authentic admiration from others. Anything EXTERNAL that defines us, is not authentic.

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Of course, a sad consequence of this is that we also fail to experience true relationship bonds. And this is often unbeknownst to both parties.

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Makes perfect sense why, over time (all other circumstances aside), we see men leave their  ‘perfect 10’ partner, or women leave the ‘man who has it all’.

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Their admiration for their partner was fraudulent. And they didn’t even know it.

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Not only is it time we stop admiring people for the wrong reasons, but we also need to quit seeking admiration. Admiration isn’t something to be sought! When you are committed to growth and living your life on your own terms, you will manifest the benefits of your evolution. Admiration is a reward. It’s how rad and evolving people identify and maintain authentic/lasting bonds with other rad and evolving people.

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It’s the same reason why I won’t compliment a friend on their new car, or high end furniture,  but I will compliment them on their photography, or unique point of view. Why? Because I admire others when they do what makes them happy — not when they aim to make others happy, in the same way that I admire those who have a unique opinion, not an opinion held by everyone else.

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Authentic admiration can only be directed toward the creator. Not the product.


The person you truly admire is never easily defined. You identify with that person by the way they make you feel. Likewise, the people worth admiring, those people who evolve by giving their own life meaning, will never have anything to prove.

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{for more on admiration in romantic relationships — see  Why Spiritually Advanced, Evolving Individuals Struggle in Their Romantic Relationships}

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2 thoughts on “Authentic Admiration vs False Admiration

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About NSchacht

- San Francisco, CA - When I write with no destination in mind, I encompass all possibility.